Perspective on life. Most days I think I have it together, and others, like last Thursday - make me want to curl up in a ball, type my resume and find work in a cubicle.
Running a day care is tough. Tough because little ones depend on you for everything. You are a role model, so heaven forbid one of them catch you picking your nose or having chips and chip dip for lunch. Chaos would ensue and then all of them would be booger-picking-double-dipping ankle biters.
I am striving for balance this year. Everything in life should be about moderation. Like a big T-bone steak pairs well with a glass of wine - then take the dog around the block kind of moderation. Balance is important. Finding just the right amount of afterschool activities for the kiddies to be involved in. Playing outside until you can still feel your toes. Dressing just enough polly pockets in rubber clothes to make it still fun. And taking full advantage of dropping everyone off at school and being in the van - ALONE.
This happened today. A blissful three hours before I had to be back. I had to choose my time wisely. I could go to Starbucks and have a tea and read the paper. I could go to the gym and zone out while listening to my ipod. I could browse those stores I love, fingering the clothes but not buying anything. I could read. I could have a bath.
I chose to go and get a bikini wax. Yep. While I am alone, and without children, I opt to have the small hairs ripped out in my nether region while listening to calming music. All the while not having any pants on.
It is so much better than where else we as females go and take off our pants and have others examine out nether regions. That is not at all relaxing.
Ohm.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Pocketful of Memories
So today Roger had to go to the attic - so I thought while he was up there I would get a box of clothes for Quinn. This box had been packed up when Hayley was four, in hopes that another girl would grace our doorway and be able to wear all the cute clothes.
What I did not prepare myself for is that when the Rubbermaid container was opened, a stream of memories would pour out and engulf me for a great portion of the afternoon.
These clothes came from a time when it was only Hayley and me. First item out was a pair of chocolate brown corduroy overalls. Hayley was obsessed with pink and these overalls just did not cut it as far as she was concerned as there was not a pink thread in site. So I sewed Ric-rack ribbon throughout all the top bibbing, as well as added pink buttons. She wore them all the time.
Now they were in my hand, and in one of the pockets was the button that I took off to put on the pink ones. I still remember that day, we were fed, bills were paid, but no money. It was like this every month, but yet, I did not care. We did bead necklaces, we read books, she learned to ride her bike inside the apartment, we ate at the kiddie craft table, and we were happy. These overalls held all these positive memories, and now, hopefully Quinn will wear them and create new memories in them
Throughout the entire tote were items of clothing such as this one. A skirt that Hayley wore every day that it was clean. A t-shirt that said "I love mom", a purple vest, her preschool coat (this one had NO buttons!), her LUGZ boots that were a hand-me-down from the boy next door, her "DR. SUESS" stripy pants, and a pretty summer dress. Quinn went through the box in amazement that they were Hayley's , and also that now they are hers.
Quinn has worn a lot of Hayley's hand me downs. This is not the first box of treasures that came down and were used again. Yet, somehow, this one hit me right square in the heart.
I think of how lucky that I am. How blessed I am. I was not a single parent to Hayley for long. She still saw her dad, but at this time, neither he nor I were on speaking terms. I met Roger, and in time, we had Quinn. Both Hayley's dad and I learned to forgive each other.
I am blessed with two great girls. With food in my fridge. With the bills paid. With a small amount of money in my account between paydays. I am blessed with good health. With two girls that are the center of each other lives. I am blessed to hold hands with my best friend every day. I wear my past as a badge of honor. I am strong. Strong enough to leave a relationship that I knew was fruitless. Strong enough to trust someone with my heart again.
I am blessed with memories, both good and bad. They encompass my heart and soul, and without them I would be a shell of a person. They made me who I am.
Funny how it took a Rubbermaid tote for me to revisit these memories, and see how I have come to peace with them.
A trip to the attic created a trip down memory lane.
What I did not prepare myself for is that when the Rubbermaid container was opened, a stream of memories would pour out and engulf me for a great portion of the afternoon.
These clothes came from a time when it was only Hayley and me. First item out was a pair of chocolate brown corduroy overalls. Hayley was obsessed with pink and these overalls just did not cut it as far as she was concerned as there was not a pink thread in site. So I sewed Ric-rack ribbon throughout all the top bibbing, as well as added pink buttons. She wore them all the time.
Now they were in my hand, and in one of the pockets was the button that I took off to put on the pink ones. I still remember that day, we were fed, bills were paid, but no money. It was like this every month, but yet, I did not care. We did bead necklaces, we read books, she learned to ride her bike inside the apartment, we ate at the kiddie craft table, and we were happy. These overalls held all these positive memories, and now, hopefully Quinn will wear them and create new memories in them
Throughout the entire tote were items of clothing such as this one. A skirt that Hayley wore every day that it was clean. A t-shirt that said "I love mom", a purple vest, her preschool coat (this one had NO buttons!), her LUGZ boots that were a hand-me-down from the boy next door, her "DR. SUESS" stripy pants, and a pretty summer dress. Quinn went through the box in amazement that they were Hayley's , and also that now they are hers.
Quinn has worn a lot of Hayley's hand me downs. This is not the first box of treasures that came down and were used again. Yet, somehow, this one hit me right square in the heart.
I think of how lucky that I am. How blessed I am. I was not a single parent to Hayley for long. She still saw her dad, but at this time, neither he nor I were on speaking terms. I met Roger, and in time, we had Quinn. Both Hayley's dad and I learned to forgive each other.
I am blessed with two great girls. With food in my fridge. With the bills paid. With a small amount of money in my account between paydays. I am blessed with good health. With two girls that are the center of each other lives. I am blessed to hold hands with my best friend every day. I wear my past as a badge of honor. I am strong. Strong enough to leave a relationship that I knew was fruitless. Strong enough to trust someone with my heart again.
I am blessed with memories, both good and bad. They encompass my heart and soul, and without them I would be a shell of a person. They made me who I am.
Funny how it took a Rubbermaid tote for me to revisit these memories, and see how I have come to peace with them.
A trip to the attic created a trip down memory lane.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
We should be thankful they say please.....
Mouth like a sailor. Potty mouth. Gettin' it washed out with soap. Don't talk like that around your mother. Pardon my French (ha, this one is really true - Roger IS French). Watch your language....
The list goes on.
My two girls are pretty girls. Not that I am biased. They are put together. They wear clean clothes and have their hair combed. They brush their teeth and are polite.
At least that is the facade that I fell in.
On the playground, Quinn is running around and climbing the bridge to go down the slide. Her dainty foot slips and out of her mouth come...."oh nuts!". hmmmm
She is playing at home when one of her polly pockets is not co-operating with the intense story line and plot that is unfolding. Out of her precious, kissable lips comes....."oh, SNAP!"
She is coming to the dinner table, hands washed, ready to tackle any food that comes her way, sees that is is NOT pasta and out of her lips comes....."oh dang".
That is just my youngest. On to the older, wiser, more worldly one.
Fart.
Fooey.
Shoot.
Dang it.
Fiddle sticks.
Oh the language in my house.
At least they both say please and thank you. And apologize to me after the bad language.
What would my heart do if I had boys?
The list goes on.
My two girls are pretty girls. Not that I am biased. They are put together. They wear clean clothes and have their hair combed. They brush their teeth and are polite.
At least that is the facade that I fell in.
On the playground, Quinn is running around and climbing the bridge to go down the slide. Her dainty foot slips and out of her mouth come...."oh nuts!". hmmmm
She is playing at home when one of her polly pockets is not co-operating with the intense story line and plot that is unfolding. Out of her precious, kissable lips comes....."oh, SNAP!"
She is coming to the dinner table, hands washed, ready to tackle any food that comes her way, sees that is is NOT pasta and out of her lips comes....."oh dang".
That is just my youngest. On to the older, wiser, more worldly one.
Fart.
Fooey.
Shoot.
Dang it.
Fiddle sticks.
Oh the language in my house.
At least they both say please and thank you. And apologize to me after the bad language.
What would my heart do if I had boys?
Friday, January 16, 2009
Dust squared
So in a weak moment, Roger and I decided to re-do our very outdated bathrooms. They had yellow rose tiles, and pee stained floors, peeling doors on an outdated vanity, and the worse part - celestial painting throughout. The baby was so bright that it left an imprint on your corneal lens when you closed your eyes you could still see the exact color.
So we took the plunge. Really what that stems down to is this. You open your bank account and allow the reno gods to take all your money and don't even wait until you have lipstick on to *F* you out of it.
Sad, but true story.
No reno has gone as plans. In no house, in no time zone, in no family has a house reno: A) stuck to budget....B) was flawless.....C) produced sex at the end of the night. What it does produce is this....
1) dust beyond anything one can imagine
2) knowledge of all isles at Home Depot, Rona and Canadian Tire
3) conversations that revolve around sub floors, toilet paper rolls and other mind numbing things
4) four people sharing a bathroom located in the master bedroom, unflushed toilets and toothpaste gobs in the sink
5) excitement when we pick out a toilet that has a half-flush capibility
6) removal of your newlywed hubby for nights on end
7) huffing and puffing in bed, but not because of anything hot and heavy, but because you had to remove the drywall piece before you could go to sleep
8) constant draft because the attic is exposed
9) the decision that "while we are at it" then produces a closet overhaul
10) two toilets, two vanities, various bits and pieces, rubbish and crap in the backyard
11) realization that this is alright, because it is not in your house anymore
12) did I mention that there is dust everywhere?
Reno, be done.
So we took the plunge. Really what that stems down to is this. You open your bank account and allow the reno gods to take all your money and don't even wait until you have lipstick on to *F* you out of it.
Sad, but true story.
No reno has gone as plans. In no house, in no time zone, in no family has a house reno: A) stuck to budget....B) was flawless.....C) produced sex at the end of the night. What it does produce is this....
1) dust beyond anything one can imagine
2) knowledge of all isles at Home Depot, Rona and Canadian Tire
3) conversations that revolve around sub floors, toilet paper rolls and other mind numbing things
4) four people sharing a bathroom located in the master bedroom, unflushed toilets and toothpaste gobs in the sink
5) excitement when we pick out a toilet that has a half-flush capibility
6) removal of your newlywed hubby for nights on end
7) huffing and puffing in bed, but not because of anything hot and heavy, but because you had to remove the drywall piece before you could go to sleep
8) constant draft because the attic is exposed
9) the decision that "while we are at it" then produces a closet overhaul
10) two toilets, two vanities, various bits and pieces, rubbish and crap in the backyard
11) realization that this is alright, because it is not in your house anymore
12) did I mention that there is dust everywhere?
Reno, be done.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Forever Sundays...
Sometimes I wish that the weekends would not end. Sometimes. This weekend was one of those times.
So often I go through my weekends as busy as I spend my weeks. Doing laundry, going to "activities", driving to the grocery store, cleaning, paying bills, not sleeping in....you know the drill...no change from Monday to Friday.
This weekend, however, seemed different. I still did all the above "stuff", but managed to fit in a movie on Sunday afternoon with a friend, some time on the computer, some time reading, and a trip to the gym. Even with all this, it did not seem busy. It seemed, somehow, right.
Roger and Mel were busy with the bathroom renovation (photos on facebook) and I just busied myself with the other household necessities. Maybe it was because I knew that Roger was busy doing his own thing, the pressure was off to entertain.....maybe.
Maybe it is because I felt no need to do anything. No housebound cabin fever. No restlessness shopping need. No "burning a hole in my pocket" to spend money. Just contentment. This weekend was bliss.
Now, how to carry it over into the week and I would have the full answer to the question.
Until then, let it be Sunday forever.
So often I go through my weekends as busy as I spend my weeks. Doing laundry, going to "activities", driving to the grocery store, cleaning, paying bills, not sleeping in....you know the drill...no change from Monday to Friday.
This weekend, however, seemed different. I still did all the above "stuff", but managed to fit in a movie on Sunday afternoon with a friend, some time on the computer, some time reading, and a trip to the gym. Even with all this, it did not seem busy. It seemed, somehow, right.
Roger and Mel were busy with the bathroom renovation (photos on facebook) and I just busied myself with the other household necessities. Maybe it was because I knew that Roger was busy doing his own thing, the pressure was off to entertain.....maybe.
Maybe it is because I felt no need to do anything. No housebound cabin fever. No restlessness shopping need. No "burning a hole in my pocket" to spend money. Just contentment. This weekend was bliss.
Now, how to carry it over into the week and I would have the full answer to the question.
Until then, let it be Sunday forever.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
This is from two years ago - today
I found this older post, and so I thought I would see how I did in a the two years - the bold is what I do - did- or am in the process of doing....
I have been tagged, so here it goes.
1. hug my girls every day - yep, do this
2. have Hayley read to me each night - now it is chapter books!
3. listen, really listen... (I still interrupt, but am working on this....)
4. tell my loved ones how I feel (every day - they are grossed out about it)
5. embrace my Celiac, and know that it is a part of me (yep, this is done!)
6. tell my mom how I feel about how she raised me, she did a grand job and needs to know (yep)
7. get to know Roger's family ...(sure glad I did this, as we said goodbye to his dad and his sister in four short months....you just NEVER know...)
8. plan our "day" the Vegas way (we planned our day different, got married in the house we bought, and would not change a thing!)
9. find the dress I love to wear that day (I loved my dress, it was ME to a TEE, and I wore it all night long!)
10. scrap book more (have completed three albums, numerous presents, and learned the art of card making.....thank you Jody!)
11. scrap less (as in fight, and sadly, I still fight, I just learned how to make up different.....both Roger and I agree...to disagree on things....)
12. talk to others how I wish to be talked to (I am working on this as well)
13. ask for help (I am asking, but more importantly, I am taking on less and enjoying life more!)
14. actually take an interest in GI Joes (god help me) (not so much....but I have learned to accept it)
15. get a tattoo (3rd one) (yep, on my wrist,it is a band and it says, "lover, daughter, mom, celiac, friend" - that about sums it up about who I am)
16. open my mind to new ideas (the Secret, Taoism, new authors, boot camp....)
17. hang out with Liz more (sadly, this friendship came to an end)
18. work less at Moxies (I quit!)
19. pay off a debt (we are debt free.....other than our 150K mortgage on our 325K townhouse)
20. walk to school with Hayley more (no walking since we moved to our new house)
21. learn to do the monkey bars with her (I can do this, and my chiropractor thanks me for the business)
22. learn to bake gluten-free (mastered this as well, with a new bread maker, Kitchen Aid and cookbooks....)
23. don't buy as many clothes (nope, still a vice...)
24. live simply (I would say yes, things don't make me happy, my family does.)
25. see more of my neighbourhood (we had so much fun exploring our new neighbourhood since the move!)
26. see more of my city (bus rides into the city only makes me see more homeless people....sad)
27. enrich myself in the arts (hmm, I have an artsy friend, we have new art in our house, does this count?)
28. deny negativity (positive thoughts bring about positive results and rewards....)
29. be an optimist (my wine glass is half full.....)
30. learn to smile again (my smile is perfect and I love how it affected my health and outlook.)
31. learn to love my hair (eek) (it has purple in it, and I get complimented on it all the time - thank you Holly!)
32. buy second hand when at all possible (yeppers)
33. denounce Walmart as an acceptable place to shop (we don't shop there anymore whenever possible)
34. support small businesses (we are trying to)
35. get to know my nieces (I love both Cadie and Emily, and I have a new niece or nephew coming in March!)
36. introduce Hayley and Quinn to their cousins (loads of times now - summers in Quesnel are the best)
37. hang out with Missy and Tanya more (they are still my fave, and both have added onto our family)
38. eat something new (we eat new things, but my fave "new thing" is goat cheese!)
39. date Roger (would he have to get to second base then?)
40. watch "Breakfast at Tiffanys" (did this too.....)
41. get a new digital camera (two in fact, and I love them both!)
42. buy a new piece of pottery from a Farmer's Market (mmmm, pottery, love it!)
43. buy Organic (we had a food box delivery of all organic once a month....)
44. eat more vegetarian food (funny, this is still a goal....)
45. hike Mt. Finlayson (nope, not yet, but did Mt. Tolmie twice in boot camp....)
46. camp ONCE in a tent with the girls (nope, not yet)
47. visit Tofino again (sadly, no)
48. be pampered at the spa (regularly now....)
49. have my taxes done by an accountant (have to with the home based business...)
50. potty train Quinn (omg, this is sooooo done)
51. ride my bike with Hayley (yep, and I pull Quinn in the chariot behind)
52. beat ROger at bowling on the Nintedo Wii (and hula hooping, and Wii fit....)
53. build a deck out back (our new house has a deck! and we spend a lot of time on it)
54. cherish friends (I can honestly say I do this....)
55. ask for help (learning....)
56. learn to not be embarrassed about my teeth (they are fixed, and I love them!)
57. paint our bedroom (in the new house, we have painted everything!)
58. go to Saxe Pointe and take photos (yes...so pretty!)
59. savour an ice cream cone (well, not the cone per Se.....)
60. worry less (should I be worried about this?)
61. laugh more (yep, every day!)
62. let loose (on the dance floor? in the bedroom? I was not sure where I was going with this one?)
63. be slow to anger (I think so.....but I have less to be angry about)
64. drink tea more, and coffee less (but but coffee is so good....)
65. friends : re-unite myself to them (I have new friends, and I love them, as well as my cherished old faithfuls....)
66. be a better friend (I think I would say yes, I am a better friend, as I am older, wiser, and am surrounded myself with great friends to role model after!)
67. skate with Hayley (still don't like this, but I have done it!)
68. read "All the Hippos go Berserk" every night to Quinn (her fave) (we read, and she knows this one off by heart!)
69. go to Fairview (still not yet....)
70. plan our summer holiday (holidays every summer!)
71. smile, with my new smile (check, done this!)
72. hold hands with Roger more (but his hands are clammy.....)
73. run the Garden City 10k (or at least run) (running lots, and loving it!)
74. roller blade (not so much....)
75. forgive Earl (yes, and my counseling bill is here to prove it)
76. file for divorce (done)
77. scrapbook my album about me (done)
78. update my will (done)
79. recycle more (boring, but done)
80. drive less (absolutely not, still the only one that drives in this family!)
81. listen to more music (does Hannah Montana count?)
82. update my Ipod (yes, and it is rockin' music!)
83. learn to live on a budget (sort of....)
84. BUT - buy some kick ass shoes (still looking for that pair...)
85. be happy with what I have (very)
86. increase Celiac awareness (yes, I believe I have done this)
87. volunteer more (yes)
88. go to the library more (yes, currently have overdue fines as well....damn budget)
89. get to know Hayley at school (love her teachers, they are great!)
90. garden again (this is also true!)
91. ask my mom to help me with my flowers (work in progress, but I am interested)
92. take more photos (gawd, yes)
93. in turn - scrapbook the memories (well, I am not caught up, but am doing this!)
94. play silly games (like hula hooping on the Wii?)
95. have a manicure and pedicure before the summer (yes!)
96. go to the movies (we try to go more, Roger still has me beat on this one)
97. pay a babysitter (we love Emma!)
98. love myself (I can say I do, I love me!)
99. love my partner (we said our "I do's" and I meant it!) he is my best friend!
100. love my kids (but not during the "witching hour" please?)
101. forgive, forget, move forward (what is true in biology is also true in life, if it is not living it is dead)
I have done well in two years!
I have been tagged, so here it goes.
1. hug my girls every day - yep, do this
2. have Hayley read to me each night - now it is chapter books!
3. listen, really listen... (I still interrupt, but am working on this....)
4. tell my loved ones how I feel (every day - they are grossed out about it)
5. embrace my Celiac, and know that it is a part of me (yep, this is done!)
6. tell my mom how I feel about how she raised me, she did a grand job and needs to know (yep)
7. get to know Roger's family ...(sure glad I did this, as we said goodbye to his dad and his sister in four short months....you just NEVER know...)
8. plan our "day" the Vegas way (we planned our day different, got married in the house we bought, and would not change a thing!)
9. find the dress I love to wear that day (I loved my dress, it was ME to a TEE, and I wore it all night long!)
10. scrap book more (have completed three albums, numerous presents, and learned the art of card making.....thank you Jody!)
11. scrap less (as in fight, and sadly, I still fight, I just learned how to make up different.....both Roger and I agree...to disagree on things....)
12. talk to others how I wish to be talked to (I am working on this as well)
13. ask for help (I am asking, but more importantly, I am taking on less and enjoying life more!)
14. actually take an interest in GI Joes (god help me) (not so much....but I have learned to accept it)
15. get a tattoo (3rd one) (yep, on my wrist,it is a band and it says, "lover, daughter, mom, celiac, friend" - that about sums it up about who I am)
16. open my mind to new ideas (the Secret, Taoism, new authors, boot camp....)
17. hang out with Liz more (sadly, this friendship came to an end)
18. work less at Moxies (I quit!)
19. pay off a debt (we are debt free.....other than our 150K mortgage on our 325K townhouse)
20. walk to school with Hayley more (no walking since we moved to our new house)
21. learn to do the monkey bars with her (I can do this, and my chiropractor thanks me for the business)
22. learn to bake gluten-free (mastered this as well, with a new bread maker, Kitchen Aid and cookbooks....)
23. don't buy as many clothes (nope, still a vice...)
24. live simply (I would say yes, things don't make me happy, my family does.)
25. see more of my neighbourhood (we had so much fun exploring our new neighbourhood since the move!)
26. see more of my city (bus rides into the city only makes me see more homeless people....sad)
27. enrich myself in the arts (hmm, I have an artsy friend, we have new art in our house, does this count?)
28. deny negativity (positive thoughts bring about positive results and rewards....)
29. be an optimist (my wine glass is half full.....)
30. learn to smile again (my smile is perfect and I love how it affected my health and outlook.)
31. learn to love my hair (eek) (it has purple in it, and I get complimented on it all the time - thank you Holly!)
32. buy second hand when at all possible (yeppers)
33. denounce Walmart as an acceptable place to shop (we don't shop there anymore whenever possible)
34. support small businesses (we are trying to)
35. get to know my nieces (I love both Cadie and Emily, and I have a new niece or nephew coming in March!)
36. introduce Hayley and Quinn to their cousins (loads of times now - summers in Quesnel are the best)
37. hang out with Missy and Tanya more (they are still my fave, and both have added onto our family)
38. eat something new (we eat new things, but my fave "new thing" is goat cheese!)
39. date Roger (would he have to get to second base then?)
40. watch "Breakfast at Tiffanys" (did this too.....)
41. get a new digital camera (two in fact, and I love them both!)
42. buy a new piece of pottery from a Farmer's Market (mmmm, pottery, love it!)
43. buy Organic (we had a food box delivery of all organic once a month....)
44. eat more vegetarian food (funny, this is still a goal....)
45. hike Mt. Finlayson (nope, not yet, but did Mt. Tolmie twice in boot camp....)
46. camp ONCE in a tent with the girls (nope, not yet)
47. visit Tofino again (sadly, no)
48. be pampered at the spa (regularly now....)
49. have my taxes done by an accountant (have to with the home based business...)
50. potty train Quinn (omg, this is sooooo done)
51. ride my bike with Hayley (yep, and I pull Quinn in the chariot behind)
52. beat ROger at bowling on the Nintedo Wii (and hula hooping, and Wii fit....)
53. build a deck out back (our new house has a deck! and we spend a lot of time on it)
54. cherish friends (I can honestly say I do this....)
55. ask for help (learning....)
56. learn to not be embarrassed about my teeth (they are fixed, and I love them!)
57. paint our bedroom (in the new house, we have painted everything!)
58. go to Saxe Pointe and take photos (yes...so pretty!)
59. savour an ice cream cone (well, not the cone per Se.....)
60. worry less (should I be worried about this?)
61. laugh more (yep, every day!)
62. let loose (on the dance floor? in the bedroom? I was not sure where I was going with this one?)
63. be slow to anger (I think so.....but I have less to be angry about)
64. drink tea more, and coffee less (but but coffee is so good....)
65. friends : re-unite myself to them (I have new friends, and I love them, as well as my cherished old faithfuls....)
66. be a better friend (I think I would say yes, I am a better friend, as I am older, wiser, and am surrounded myself with great friends to role model after!)
67. skate with Hayley (still don't like this, but I have done it!)
68. read "All the Hippos go Berserk" every night to Quinn (her fave) (we read, and she knows this one off by heart!)
69. go to Fairview (still not yet....)
70. plan our summer holiday (holidays every summer!)
71. smile, with my new smile (check, done this!)
72. hold hands with Roger more (but his hands are clammy.....)
73. run the Garden City 10k (or at least run) (running lots, and loving it!)
74. roller blade (not so much....)
75. forgive Earl (yes, and my counseling bill is here to prove it)
76. file for divorce (done)
77. scrapbook my album about me (done)
78. update my will (done)
79. recycle more (boring, but done)
80. drive less (absolutely not, still the only one that drives in this family!)
81. listen to more music (does Hannah Montana count?)
82. update my Ipod (yes, and it is rockin' music!)
83. learn to live on a budget (sort of....)
84. BUT - buy some kick ass shoes (still looking for that pair...)
85. be happy with what I have (very)
86. increase Celiac awareness (yes, I believe I have done this)
87. volunteer more (yes)
88. go to the library more (yes, currently have overdue fines as well....damn budget)
89. get to know Hayley at school (love her teachers, they are great!)
90. garden again (this is also true!)
91. ask my mom to help me with my flowers (work in progress, but I am interested)
92. take more photos (gawd, yes)
93. in turn - scrapbook the memories (well, I am not caught up, but am doing this!)
94. play silly games (like hula hooping on the Wii?)
95. have a manicure and pedicure before the summer (yes!)
96. go to the movies (we try to go more, Roger still has me beat on this one)
97. pay a babysitter (we love Emma!)
98. love myself (I can say I do, I love me!)
99. love my partner (we said our "I do's" and I meant it!) he is my best friend!
100. love my kids (but not during the "witching hour" please?)
101. forgive, forget, move forward (what is true in biology is also true in life, if it is not living it is dead)
I have done well in two years!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Liquid Sunshine
Typical Wednesday around here. A mad rush to get the girls to school, drinking my lukewarm coffee in the van while it is pouring rain out, drop one off at her school, and then off to preschool with Quinn.
So far nothing out of the ordinary.
At preschool, however, this is about to change. I met one of my daycare families there and the little guy gave me a totally warm smile - something that is tough to coax out of him on the best of days let alone when his dad is there and he is about to say goodbye. Sunshine on a rainy day.
Then, one of my daycare families (the mom is on mat leave with the most gorgeous little girl that you can imagine) has a son at the same preschool. He came over to me and told me his missed my house! Another ray of sunshine.
Then I go out to the van, baby in tow for a morning of chores, laundry, emptying the dishwasher and getting ready for the inundation of kiddies when school is finished, and there is a parcel on my seat of my van. It is a cookbook, "Deceptively Delicious" by Jessica Seinfeld. The note inside read, "for being who you are, you deserve a special something" - from a friend.
This was the rainbow of the day.
Note to self, continue to leave the van unlocked, for you never know when a special something may end up on your seat.
Although the rain continues to come down, with little thought to my hairstyle and soggy coat, my day is full of happy thoughts and my heart is full knowing that I have made a difference in other people's lives.
So far nothing out of the ordinary.
At preschool, however, this is about to change. I met one of my daycare families there and the little guy gave me a totally warm smile - something that is tough to coax out of him on the best of days let alone when his dad is there and he is about to say goodbye. Sunshine on a rainy day.
Then, one of my daycare families (the mom is on mat leave with the most gorgeous little girl that you can imagine) has a son at the same preschool. He came over to me and told me his missed my house! Another ray of sunshine.
Then I go out to the van, baby in tow for a morning of chores, laundry, emptying the dishwasher and getting ready for the inundation of kiddies when school is finished, and there is a parcel on my seat of my van. It is a cookbook, "Deceptively Delicious" by Jessica Seinfeld. The note inside read, "for being who you are, you deserve a special something" - from a friend.
This was the rainbow of the day.
Note to self, continue to leave the van unlocked, for you never know when a special something may end up on your seat.
Although the rain continues to come down, with little thought to my hairstyle and soggy coat, my day is full of happy thoughts and my heart is full knowing that I have made a difference in other people's lives.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Annual Ponder Day
I ponder.
Usually three or four days after the beginning of the New Year. There is not very much in the way of "specialness" going on. Open houses have been attended. Presents have been opened. Tree is put away. House is clean (does anyone else think that it looks much bigger now the tree is gone?). School is beginning again after the winter break. In our case here on the island, snow has even been shoveled. Christmas here has come and gone. New Year's Eve and New Year's day are finished, and whether you whooped it up, went to bed, or in our case, played the Wii - it is done.
It is the Sunday before everything settles into its normal state again.
It is too early to break my resolutions, and too late to bake for Christmas.
But it is not totally down time. My Sunday afternoon walk showed me that life is moving on. I know this to be true because faith tells me that under all the muddy snow, buds of life are appearing, as well as the stirrings in my roots as well. The days are already longer.
To ponder, to me, is not to brood or grieve or even to meditate. It is to wonder at a deep level.
I pondered my childhood. It was full of love, of riding bikes, of staying out late, playing in the neighbourhood, Kinsmen and Kinettes, and swimming pools. It was full of cereal before bed, coming home for lunch, and daycare kiddies that came to my house (funny how life turns out!). It was full of not wanting to share my toys with my brother, of wanting to sleep downstairs, of holidays with relatives. It was, on so many levels, the typical 1970's childhood. But it was mine.
I pondered my highschool years. But not for long. Looking back, they were riddled with tears, broken friendships, and bad hair. But I digress, as I am not going to grieve - I am here to ponder. I know that it could have been better. But then again, hindsight is always 20/20.
Now, in my late 30's, I almost unconsciously promise myself the same.
I can do better.
My resolution is to change this thought pattern around.
I AM BETTER.
I am stronger. I am wiser. I am older. I am in a different stage of my life. I am in love. I am loved. I am healthy. I am trusted. I am trustworthy. I am a friend. I have friends. I am intelligent enough to not repeat mistakes. I am worth it.
I AM BETTER.
Usually three or four days after the beginning of the New Year. There is not very much in the way of "specialness" going on. Open houses have been attended. Presents have been opened. Tree is put away. House is clean (does anyone else think that it looks much bigger now the tree is gone?). School is beginning again after the winter break. In our case here on the island, snow has even been shoveled. Christmas here has come and gone. New Year's Eve and New Year's day are finished, and whether you whooped it up, went to bed, or in our case, played the Wii - it is done.
It is the Sunday before everything settles into its normal state again.
It is too early to break my resolutions, and too late to bake for Christmas.
But it is not totally down time. My Sunday afternoon walk showed me that life is moving on. I know this to be true because faith tells me that under all the muddy snow, buds of life are appearing, as well as the stirrings in my roots as well. The days are already longer.
To ponder, to me, is not to brood or grieve or even to meditate. It is to wonder at a deep level.
I pondered my childhood. It was full of love, of riding bikes, of staying out late, playing in the neighbourhood, Kinsmen and Kinettes, and swimming pools. It was full of cereal before bed, coming home for lunch, and daycare kiddies that came to my house (funny how life turns out!). It was full of not wanting to share my toys with my brother, of wanting to sleep downstairs, of holidays with relatives. It was, on so many levels, the typical 1970's childhood. But it was mine.
I pondered my highschool years. But not for long. Looking back, they were riddled with tears, broken friendships, and bad hair. But I digress, as I am not going to grieve - I am here to ponder. I know that it could have been better. But then again, hindsight is always 20/20.
Now, in my late 30's, I almost unconsciously promise myself the same.
I can do better.
My resolution is to change this thought pattern around.
I AM BETTER.
I am stronger. I am wiser. I am older. I am in a different stage of my life. I am in love. I am loved. I am healthy. I am trusted. I am trustworthy. I am a friend. I have friends. I am intelligent enough to not repeat mistakes. I am worth it.
I AM BETTER.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
An ode to 2008
I will blog out the year, with my resolution to once again blog in 2009.
For my faithful two comment readers, and to a certain someone who mentioned that she missed it. Get that? While she was busy running her queendom, wearing a plastic tiara and coveting that ring - she missed me.
Quote to end the year:
Funny how that the common knowledge is to live each day as it was your last. Would this not mean that we would all be so busy trying to do everything, heal hurts, ask for forgiveness, get each hug and kiss in from our loved ones, making lists of "bucket stuff", and being full of regret that we would miss out?
I ask instead that we live each day as it was our FIRST. With open eyes. With calm hearts. With an open mind. To help. To hold. To love. You have nothing to compare it too, as it is your first day! Do it all - with utter abandonment. You will instead enjoy each moment, love each word spoken, and have no regrets.
Then when we go to sleep, we say our "I love yous" and rest our head and sleep in peaceful slumber.
Awaken - and repeat.
Happy New Year.
For my faithful two comment readers, and to a certain someone who mentioned that she missed it. Get that? While she was busy running her queendom, wearing a plastic tiara and coveting that ring - she missed me.
Quote to end the year:
Funny how that the common knowledge is to live each day as it was your last. Would this not mean that we would all be so busy trying to do everything, heal hurts, ask for forgiveness, get each hug and kiss in from our loved ones, making lists of "bucket stuff", and being full of regret that we would miss out?
I ask instead that we live each day as it was our FIRST. With open eyes. With calm hearts. With an open mind. To help. To hold. To love. You have nothing to compare it too, as it is your first day! Do it all - with utter abandonment. You will instead enjoy each moment, love each word spoken, and have no regrets.
Then when we go to sleep, we say our "I love yous" and rest our head and sleep in peaceful slumber.
Awaken - and repeat.
Happy New Year.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
A blog entry that is exactly me...
I read "5 minutes for parenting" blog and came across this entry. It is my past life, present life and how last year was for me in a nutshell.
Other than the church thing. And that it is backwards. I am in such a great mental place now, and looking back I am consumed with regret about how much energy I spent wishing my life was simpler then....with daycare woes, death, business, anger, parenting mistakes, divorce finalization, purchasing a house, finances, kids, relationship, and and and and. I am amazed I survived without any body being disposed of in my trunk.
So read this beautiful masterpiece, and honestly ask yourself, which side of the spectrum is your life on right now?
Other than the church thing. And that it is backwards. I am in such a great mental place now, and looking back I am consumed with regret about how much energy I spent wishing my life was simpler then....with daycare woes, death, business, anger, parenting mistakes, divorce finalization, purchasing a house, finances, kids, relationship, and and and and. I am amazed I survived without any body being disposed of in my trunk.
So read this beautiful masterpiece, and honestly ask yourself, which side of the spectrum is your life on right now?
Last night, as I waited for my brain to turn off and the drowsiness to descend, I read through my journal from last year.
I was sad and slightly startled to see how much depth my writing had 12 months ago. These days, my writing tends toward the surface and the amusing. Nothing wrong with that, inherently. It’s a large part of who I am. I’m always thrilled when good friends tell me my blog is exactly like the real-life me. That’s a compliment.
Yet, I’m not a shallow person. At least, I didn’t use to be.
“I’m forlorn,” I thought to myself as I snuggled under the comforter, drowsiness padding my brain. “Yes, that’s it exactly. I’m forlorn.”
Waking up this morning to sunshine and cereal with blueberries and “Diego’s Moonlight Rescue,” I didn’t feel quite so melancholy. (My sanguine personality wastes little time throwing pity parties. They aren’t fun.)
But the basic premise remains: This year, I’m living. But I’m not delighting. At least, not enough.
I know much of this can be chalked up to the changes of the last year. New house, new city, new baby, new school, new church, new friends, new schedule. New, new, new. Who has time to reflect and ponder and wonder when the dishwasher needs to be unloaded and the dinner needs to be made and the kids need lunch and the baby needs to be held? Oh, and did I mention my husband has been gone at least a week each month on business trips?
Thus, I have been consumed by the urgent, day-to-day details of life. It takes a lot of energy to keep this many plates spinning.
And while I truly love the adventure of the new and the delight of new discoveries – and yes, a part of me even delights in the challenge of keeping the plates spinning – I also miss the old me.
The old me was better at balancing the surface, urgent life with the deep, important life. I was better at playing with my children, instead of excusing myself under the guise of getting another task accomplished. I was better at noticing the simple gifts in my path each day, instead of rushing about, like a chicken desperate to get its fill of grain before the wind blows it away.
I had more margin in my soul. More space. More room to breathe.
How do I get it back?
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Finally a moment to blog.....
Old kitchen...blue on blue....and not a lot of cupboard space...you know me, I have a lot of "stuff" and have lived the last five years with only two drawers and four cupboards. 
The beginning of the new and very beautiful cupboards. I love them. They are dark and mysterious - with tons of room and a PANTRY! Now if the countertops would come......
The beautiful backyard. This is where we spend a lot of our time. The girls love it, level ground, no big rock, actual grass, a deck for Roger and I to kick back and relax with a cold bevvy.....
In the quiet morning, I am going to blog. I have been so busy, but have wanted to update my three faithful readers with the update on the house. We had the most stress - free move ever. Roger and I sat on the van seat on the front lawn of the co-op house and directed our great movers on what to do. Then we drove to the new house, and sat on a lawn chair in the living room and did the same thing - directed traffic. When everything was said and done (which was three hours from the onset of the move) all our boxes were in the correct rooms and we could survey the options of what to do next.
I could not unpack the kitchen, as it was being ripped out and the new one would be under way on Monday.
I could not unpack the girls room as we had to assemble the bunkbeds and wait for the mattresses to arrive on Thursday (it is Tuesday).
I could not unpack the living room as we had no furniture there until Thursday either.
I could not unpack the bedroom as....well...see above.
So what did we do? Unpacked the patio set, put two chairs in the "living area" and set up the tv.
The next weekend was busy tearing out the kitchen, and piling it in the backyard ready for disposal. We sanded down the walls and waited for the painters to arrive on Sunday. They did not show. So Roger and I, neither of us paint, painted the kitchen. The color was supposed to be olive green with a bit of chartreuse - but instead it was yellow. Like a pukky, super bright, ugly yellow. We hated it.
We hired painters.
They came.
Now the cabinets are in, the counter tops are in, the appliances are in, and we are beginning to be settled. We love our house. SO many wonderful things have already happened here. Both girls are very well adjusted, with no mention of the old house or when they get to go home. We are all sleeping well. Plants are flowering here that never flowered in the old place. Roger and I hold hands more. The girls play more. We laugh more.
It is a good thing. I am thankful.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Funny things to be seen at the petting zoo
How about freshly shorn alpacas?
Or my daycare boy brushing a goat's belly? Quinners taking notes for next time....
Or standing around wondering what there is to eat?
Totally bunked this shot, but that is one PREGNANT goat - with twins. She just layed against the fence, unable to get comfortable....poor thing. Babies were born two days later....
And this is the best shot of the two girls. After many unsuccessful ones, I just picked this one. It about sums it up - HP looking vaguely bored with having her photo taken, and Quinners eating her hat. Yep, that's my girls!Beacon Hill on Friday, May 16th. The weather on the Thursday was blustery and slightly cold. The weather on the Friday was 27 degrees. It was sudden, hot, and lovely! We went to Beacon Hill with Quinners preschool, and had a great time. We looked around the zoo, played at the amazing park, and when we started to wilt, we toddled off to the Beacon Hill drive in for a yummy ice cream cone. It was an amazing way to begin the Victoria Day long weekend.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
My sister's visit
Hayley, Steph and Quinn outside the ferry terminal. 
Me and Steph - photo taken by Hayley!My sister flew here for five days to take in the National Celiac Convention with me. We had such a good time! Actually, I am a big believer in "you never get more than you can handle" - and she arrived on Wednesday and was able to be here and be a HUGE help to both Roger and I during the time of Chantal's funeral and all the arrangements that needed to be made. I love her! So do the girls, who had a blast with their "Aunty Stuffy".
The Conference was a huge success. Every year a new city has the privileged of hosting it, and Victoria seems to have a huge drawing card with it being the provincial capital and home of the gardens. It was held adjacent to the Empress, with a gluten free tea provided to all those who had nothing better to spend $60 on than tea and sandwiches with the crusts cut off as well.
We had over 400 people registered (the last conference was capped at 280) and when we opened it to the public on Saturday afternoon - we had a staggering 850 people come through the door! We had to have security and everything! It was a huge awareness weekend for us in the Celiac Community - we had home tests that are approved for use here in Canada for sale and over 100 untested individuals took them home! Poor doctors.....
Steph and I had a great time, it was a huge bonding weekend for us, with us both sharing the common gene of Celiac and sisterhood. I miss you Steph!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
The "funnest" dad in the world
Roger collect all things GI Joe. Star Wars. Transformers. Kid toys. Figures. Games. And of course Train Tracks. Here are the three of them having a blast making the 1989 Authentic-still-in-original-box-with-antique-dust-and-copper-wires train set work.
Happy times that help us move on.
**For those of you wondering, the service for Chantal was lovely. Chapel full of friends and family and flowers remembering the good times. Thank you to all who thought of our family, and especially Roger, during this horrible time. Our family is working on the mantra of "carpe diem" - we are seizing all opportunities to just be together. I am looking forward to the end of the school year, the move and the summer. Positive things that are going to happen in our lives.
I am back!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Maybe just for now....
I am not going to blog for a while.
Life has taken on a rough turn, as we lost Roger's sister to suicide early this week. My focus needs to be with him at this time. My girls, my partner, my family all need my full attention. Just four short months ago we lost his dad, and now this tragedy has happened.
Please keep us in your thoughts, prayers and well wishes.
My concentration will be helping his heart to heal, holding his hand, and coping with the fact his family has been cut in half in less than 125 days.
Until that happens, adieu.
Life has taken on a rough turn, as we lost Roger's sister to suicide early this week. My focus needs to be with him at this time. My girls, my partner, my family all need my full attention. Just four short months ago we lost his dad, and now this tragedy has happened.
Please keep us in your thoughts, prayers and well wishes.
My concentration will be helping his heart to heal, holding his hand, and coping with the fact his family has been cut in half in less than 125 days.
Until that happens, adieu.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Spring Break Gymnastic Camp
Hayley in the foam pit.
Waiting patiently for her turn to swing on the rope and land in the foam pit.
Crawling OUT of the foam pit.
Swinging on the overhead bars.We put HP in the gymnastic camp over the Spring Break. It was a godsend. It was from 9-4 for Monday-Thursday and she LOVED it. I loved it because she was off having fun with other kids and I did not have to be an entertaining idiot for four days. I also loved it because it tired her out that she was in bed sawing logs by 7:30 at night.
Spring Break bliss.
The day Quinners turned three
Quinn and a birthday friend,
Her beautiful cake. Ice cream of course. Without the cookie center to make it gluten free for me
The crown she made and wore at preschool. We baked cupcakes for her to take, and share. This was her first birthday that we had to make something for school!
Friends eating, playing barbies, and hanging out inside....
While the birthday girl played outside by herself.
A great day was had by all. I was most proud of Roger though, to be perfectly honest. He braved it all, got right in there and helped three year olds paint a terra-cotta pot for a flower to go in. Fired up the barbeque when it was time to eat cheese burgers, and blew up balloons. How do I thank him?
By dumping the water I used to rinse off the knife to cut the ice cream cake up. Yep. All down his pants.
Must be love.
By dumping the water I used to rinse off the knife to cut the ice cream cake up. Yep. All down his pants.
Must be love.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Easter with Quinners
Basket o' eggs.
No basket though, Ladybug bag will do
Look at the gleam in her eye - she knew exactly what to do!
Looking, looking......
Ah-hah! Here it is!!!
Proud new owner of a Barbie Island Princess DVD.
All this excitement, and it is not even breakfast yet.
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